Subtitle

...previously "Wayne & Julie Bacon's Journey"

Older posts are located at...

Monday, July 30, 2012

Bacons are Home & Doing Well, but I'm having an adrenaline crash

I went into Harborview and was told straight away that they were anticipating discharging him this afternoon. I started crying to the neurosurgeon and physical therapist--I'm not ready to care for him like this!! Since I wasn't really there on Sat. or Sun., I didn't think he had made all that many gains or recovered his lost abilities. I met with "all of the therapies" (PT, OT, SP); I really challenged PT to ensure he was really able to get in and out of bed on his own, get up and down from a seated-position on his own, and know what stretches he needs to do on his own (not me doing it with him).

I was surprised at how much he was able to do again, compared to Wednesday when I called 911. And how much the swelling had gone down!  Wow!  Okay, so he just may be ready to come home today.

"But how do I know he's safe to cook? Or that it's safe to leave our 4-year-old daughter with him? He's caring for her this summer since she's out of preschool for July and August." I told them about the November 2008 car accident he was in and how afterward he had new deficits (i.e., dressing apraxia, opening vs. closing doors when leaving the house). How were we sure he didn't have some more detrimental apraxias?!?  They didn't know that these were concerns of mine and stated that they'd have OT come and assess him again, since she assessed him when I wasn't there, and that SP would come talk to me about comprehension and cognitive function.

After PT's evaluation, I sat and quizzed him to see if his comprehension was back up to where it was pre-surgery. I noticed his eyes were lit-up again; the light behind his eyes seemed to be turned on and he didn't seem to be in a fog anymore. He was able to do our standard thumbs-up for "Yes" and thumbs-down for "No" that he was not able to do at all when I called 911. Then I tested him with basic questions: "we have a son", "Is it December right now?", "This is my knee" as I pointed to my ear. Before today, he would've looked at me like, "Oh! You want me to copy you" and he would've grabbed his ear and tugged on it while he looked at me like, "Yeah you idiot, that's an ear! I'll grab mine and you'll see... I totally understand what you're talking about!" He would've missed the whole intent of the question and the action.  Now he's understanding that what I was doing was quizzing him and he also understood what was required of him.  Whereas 3 or 4 days before today, he would have missed the boat, so to speak, in terms of what was my intent in grabbing my ear and looking at him with a questioning face and a high pitched tone.

After a bit more "talking" back and forth about Morgan, and if he thinks he's safe to care for her, I went and told the staff that I was okay for him to be discharged to our house instead of a nursing home or skilled nursing facility.  I was definitely reassured after our "conversation"; he was able to assess his abilities, his deficits since the surgery and how they would limit him.  Here was our conversation: "Do you think you could walk Morgan up to the park by yourself again?" "Ummmm, no." "If I drove you two up there, would you be okay hanging with her for an hour or two?"  "Yep, whee, whee." (translation: "Yep, totally. Yep, I could do that!").

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Rest Up

My dad, Morgan, and I went by on Saturday for an hour to say "hi". At first Morgan didn't want to get out of the car--"I don't want to see Wayne" she'd whine, over and over again. Then, when I enticed her with a walk with just her and me and that she didn't have to go into his room, she agreed to unbuckle and get out of the car. As we were walking into Harborview, Morgan was skipping and saying, "Which way to Wayne's room? I can't wait to see daddy." And then, she laid on his bed with him, watched Scooby-Doo, and we couldn't get her to leave him. She wanted to just stay with him and told me that I could come back later and get her.

None of us visited today. My dad and I got a lot done around the house, but it also just felt good to not have to be in-charge or care for Wayne for one day since he'd be back on my plate in a day or two. The doctor and therapists estimated that Wayne would be discharged to my care tomorrow. I called Wayne and talked to him on his hospital room's phone--I told him I just needed a day of being home, and that I thought he could just relax and sleep and heal as much as he could before coming home to a 4-year-old daughter.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Tight Hamstrings are the Culprit

PT came and assessed why Wayne couldn't sit-up on his own, had trouble walking, and what his grimaces and flinches were due to: extremely tight hamstrings. He can't even extend his legs all the way--not even halfway. He was given stretches to do. At least he doesn't have nerve problems, a herniated disc, or motor control issues due to additional brain damage.

The neurosurgeon came by around 5:00 PM again today and stated that they were going to just keep him over the weekend, have the staff walk him around a few times a day, have PT see him if possible since therapists are scarce on the weekends, and then see how Wayne is doing on Monday.

So, we're in a sort of wait-and-hold pattern...  *sigh*.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Chop And Change

chop and change (British & Australian)
to keep changing what you do or what you plan to do, often in a way that is confusing and annoying for other people [per http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/chop+and+change]
Let's just get one thing straight--I'm not the one changing the plan, I'm the annoyed one.
A very senior neurosurgeon came into Wayne's room around 4:45 pm and showed us the CT images (see one below) from last night's ED visit. He pointed out how the fluid is collecting and pushing in on the brain and out on his scalp. He stated that he doesn't care where the surgical team puts the shunt (i.e., ventricle, outside of the skull, in the midst of the left hemisphere), but he knows it's what needs to be done--there's really no option.  The shunt would be a tube that is placed under the brain, up into his left ventricle, down through the base of the skull, curving around to the clavicle/collar bone, then coming up to a subcutaneous level (so just beneath the skin), down across his chest and ribs, and into his stomach.
After that doctor left our room, Wayne looked extremely dismayed, saddened, teary-eyed, and defeated. I "listened" and rubbed his arm and just kept telling him it would be okay, it's standard procedure, and... there's no choice right now--just like when we had to remove half of his skull on Apr. 2, 2008 to save his life... this has to be done and we'll do our best with whatever comes and results.
Then, Wayne's doctor, the one who has performed all three of Wayne's cranial surgeries, came to the bedside around 5:30. He is matter-of-fact & to-the-point, but will not downplay our concerns, kind of guy.  He incorporates our comments & concerns & suggestions, he really listens, he states that I, Julie Bacon, know Wayne better than any of the health care providers and that he has to trust me to indicate when Wayne's neurological state has changed, & he asks 3 times if we have more questions.  Great doctor!
This surgeon outlined a totally different plan...

I have some great news (but please keep the above phrase & description in mind while absorbing the now-current plan for Wayne):
    Wayne's neurosurgeon decided around 5:30pm that he'd really like to observe Wayne for another day and the bulbous pocket of spinal fluid hanging out on his left temple and corner of his forehead.  The doctor stated that he believes that if we keep Wayne inclined in his hospital bed, and he gets up and starts moving around and walking, the fluid will drain on its own.
Whaaaa?!?!?! So no Shunt...???
"No, that would be our last choice."
"Then why have we been waiting all day for the OR to call, and Wayne hasn't been able to eat all day?"
"I put the shunt on the table so all the staff and you guys were ready for it. But observing him over the last 24 hours and assessing it with the team, we believe his body could take care of this.  And we want to give it a chance to do that. We'll give it another 24 hours, he can't recline less than 30 degrees, we'll get him up and walking, I'll order the therapies (OT, PT, and SPEECH) to come and evaluate him tomorrow.  I'm not sure what's going on with all the difficulty with his leg and core muscles. But, we need to figure that out."
"Wow--okay.  We are definitely fine with waiting to put in a shunt!!"
Wayne instantly perked up, inclined his bed, and his spirit was lighter, ready for the challenge of doing this on his own versus an "implant".

We may still need to do the shunt, but for now, Wayne's in control of his body again... which is what any 41 year old strong-willed man would want.

He still has some additional deficits since the surgery.  His comprehension has declined. His physical ability to sit-up, stand-up, and walk on his own has diminished--he had major surgery, but it's not just slightly worse, it's definitely declined. His limb apraxia is much worse.  His ability to communicate is worse. He even used his eating utensils incorrectly--he was using the soup spoon to try and pierce and grab his entire pork chop. I said, "Try using the FORK." This does several things--it tests his listening/comprehension, it tests his ability to change what he's already planned his body to do, it tests his ability to look at the utensils and pick which one is a fork. I became very saddened by him using his soup spoon because this is what he did frequently back in May 2008.  "Really?!? I'm back to teaching him toddler things again?!?! We're back to one month post-stroke! For the love of.... (*deep breath*)... Okay, well--we taught him all this before, we can do it again."
He picked the fork out of the four eating utensils in front of him, and he used it correctly! When he'd cut and eaten about half of the pork chop on his own, I used the knife to cut up the remainder of the pork chop into four pieces.  Not even thinking about it, I laid the knife across the back of the plate.  He picked it up and was trying to scoop the pork chop pieces onto the blade and get it to his mouth. CRAP--this really is happening!  So, I demonstrated how all of the utensils looked when I tried to "stab" the meat with them... the soup spoon, the teaspoon, the knife, and the fork... "Which one works best?" He chose the fork. Thank forken goodness!
So this is one "slice" of the images of his head--the dark bit inside the skull is a portion of what the stroke killed. The narrower skull is actually the synthetic bone flap/skull piece.  The schtuff outside of the skull is all the swelling and fluid build up.

And here's another slice a bit deeper.

Still waiting... No shunt yet‏

We are still waiting to get a call from the OR. The pressure is really bugging Wayne & the wait is bugging me!I'm on high-alert, constantly "testing" him to be sure additional decline doesn't go unnoticed. "Can you still move your leg? Does that feel normal to you? Are you OK? Count to ten with me. Copy my mouth & say your name. Are you OK? I love you. Are you sure you're OK?" That's what I like to call smothering mothering, or just ssss-mothering.Thanks for staying tuned & for all the positive energy I can feel around us--keep it coming. ;-)

Shunt to be placed

Wayne was admitted to Harborview last night.  I called 911 around 8:30pm because he seemed to be declining neurologically.  We were seen immediately at our primary care physician in the morning because Wayne was expressing concern about the fluid that was not draining but rather accumulating on his left temporal cranial area. 
I was mistaken with my idea that the plastic synthetic bone flap was solid--last night in the Emergency Department (ED), the Neurosurgeon explained the the pocket of fluid that wasn't draining was both pushing on the brain and on his scalp.  The fluid pushed on his scalp enough to begin to touch the top of his ear. The Neurosurgeon said, "I mean, that's an impressive amount of fluid."
So, they were thinking of "tap & drain" where they draw out the fluid with a syringe. Next would be to open the incision and place the JP Drain back into his scalp area. And most severe and permanent, would be to place a shunt.
The third option has been chosen by his Neurosurgeon.  He has not had anything to eat since Midnight in preparation for going back into the Operating Room (OR).  There isn't a time yet scheduled; the floor nurse that I talked to this morning stated that the OR calls them and tells Wayne's nurse/doctor when the OR is ready for him.
Our neighbor took care of Morgan and our new puppy Luna last night and into the morning. I'm heading into Harborview.  The neighbors are keeping Morgan for the day, and I just confirmed that my dad is flying into Seattle from Minneapolis tonight at 7:45pm.  Phew--that will be good to have someone here for Morgan, for Wayne, and for me.
I'll post more when I know more. He's on 4E Hospital at Harborview.
If anyone wants to help, here's some ways:
     come by and see Wayne,
     come hangout with me,
     I'll have Luna in the car with me since I haven't crate trained her yet, so you could come get her from my car & take her on a walk or hang with her at our house in Shoreline or your house,
.... trying to think of other ways and I can't right now...

I'll be in touch--thanks for reading our blog & for your continued positive thoughts and memories of Wayne, me, or Morgan that you send into the Universe.

EDIT/UPDATE: Luna is not in the car--she is at home and a neighbor is coming by to play with her and check on her. ;-)

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Being Dissociated is Gr--... I mean Being DISCHARGED is Great!!

Wayne was discharged from Harborview this afternoon & is home resting. I forgot from the 2009 cranioplasty how swollen his left eye & cheek became 2 days post-op. He's excited to get out of the hospital & be home but is uncomfortable & in some considerable pain.
     He's doing well & I am glad he's home!! Plus, that means I don't have to go back & forth between Harborview & home. Thinking back to 2008 & how I was up by 7am & off to the hospital everyday ASAP... I have absolutely no idea how I did that. None. I couldn't even get to the hospital by Noon each day this time around!! No wonder I have a lot of feelings & memories that are coming up & being realized for the first time--can you say DISSOCIATION?!?
     Now whenever a moment, or a thought, or a comment is too stressful for me, one quadrant of my lip goes numb & it spreads rapidly down my chin & neck & I start to hyperventilate. That's what my body was doing this morning before I went to see him.
     Great defense mechanism, I guess, because it allowed me to handle the newborn that I had in my arms and the critical condition of my husband and best friend, Wayne Bacon.  But the result is I'm still dealing with things from the first 3 days after his stroke, and 2 months after the stroke, and 18 months after the stroke.  Mainly the first 4 or 5 weeks, but it's a weird way of living when you don't know when another memory will flood in and take over your body.
     Like the consent form at Harborview--it was such a defining moment to be reading over that on April 2nd, 2008 with so many supportive friends around me, my mom, my 3 week old daughter, and Wayne's mum on the phone... but now when I see a consent form at Harborview, I suddenly have feelings and memories and emotions that I didn't even know I wasn't dealing with previously but suddenly those memories and feelings are preventing me from dealing with the current situation!  I told the Neurosurgeon, "You guys should offer desensitization classes for that consent form for the spouses of craniotomy patients. That consent form carried so much weight (the night of the emergency surgery to remove half of his skull to save his life) that the image of that consent form is burned into my brain and I have to really focus to not dissociate when I see that form again."
     Onward and upward though, right?!?!
     I do everything I can to ensure that we enjoy life, that we focus on the moment, that we are grateful for the memories and togetherness that we have everyday, that we let go of the things that will not have a drastic effect on our path and journey...
...and that I just keep breathing, just keep breathing, **deep inhale**, **slow exhale**... Oh, hello there left lower quadrant of my lip, chin, and neck! So nice to have feeling in that area again.  Welcome back.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Scream for Ice Cream

I went to Harborview after I found someone to watch Morgan--didn't think she needed anymore scares about her daddy--and I'm pleased to report that Wayne is looking better. Not so nauseous, a bit more himself, and more responsive. I was choosing his meals for tomorrow from the available menu and he definitely had an opinion but he kept closing his eyes while trying to read the menu.  I think he is still in some considerable pain and seemed to just shut his eyes not necessarily to rest or sleep, but just to focus, breathe, and get through a wave of pain.
The lunch he was served today did not appeal to him--and I'm not even sure to whom such a sandwich would've appealed... maybe an emaciated dog scavenging for food.  The up side is, we at least know he's got his appetite back.  I asked if there was anything else the nurse could bring for him, and I suggested fruity ice cream; she brought two lil' cups of strawberry and raspberry ice cream and as she showed them to me and asked if these would seem okay, he perked up, waved her over impatiently, and grabbed them and started trying to gobble them down straight away.
The surgeons placed a "drain" in his head between the scalp and the bone/skull as they were sewing him up.  Generally, a drain is a tube that collects the blood from within the body under or near the incision and area of surgery. Where the tube is inside the body and not exposed, there are holes that suck-up all the blood accumulating in that area.  The suction is created by compressing a balloon type reservoir that is at the end of the tube (that the nurses place in Wayne's hospital gown's front chest pocket... how classy). When I got there this afternoon, the drain was gone from his head.  The nurse stated that it was there when she left for her lunch break but is definitely not there anymore.  That's a good sign--no unexpected amounts of bleeding or pressure building due to blood accumulating.
He also urinated a bit on his own in the late morning, but still didn't completely empty his bladder so they will be watching that today and tonight.
And by now you have figured out that he will be staying at Harborview one more evening, which is fine by me, and although extremely surprising to me, it seemed fine by Wayne too.  And if he's not getting dressed, demanding the discharge process be sped up, sneaking out, and escaping down the elevators, then it must be the right decision to keep him there for another night because if anybody is going to push the envelope, it'd be Wayne.

Is it normal to have a headache?

I talked with the nurse last night around 10pm and she said that Wayne hadn't voided any urine since the surgery, so they started him on IV fluids. He still isn't urinating on his own this morning, so that is something that the nursing staff will work on today.  They said he seems very dehydrated.
I called this morning to get an update from his nurse as soon as Morgan and I woke up, and I only got a brief update because she had to go and Wayne was asking for the phone--he is extremely nauseous and he seems to be in a lot of pain.  I do not remember this in 2009 with his previous cranioplasty but I also had an 11 mos old in my arms... and we were all elated to be getting the other half of his skull back into his head to cover up the remains of that left hemisphere. Sooooo, my memory could be skewed just a tad.
Even last night at 5pm when M & I left for home, he wasn't willing to engage... he could but seemed to want quiet, the shades drawn, and to be laid back down from being propped-up to eat his dinner (which he didn't eat either).
I'm not sure I'd go as far to say he's doing badly, but let's face it, when he was in the ICU and on death's doorstep I was stating he was "doing great!"  It doesn't seem as though he is in bad shape, but there are definitely some things that we need to get resolved today and I am a bit concerned.
It was the original plan and the intent of the neurosurgeons to discharge him today from Harborview. I'm not sure that's going to happen.
I've got to go get M & I ready to head into Harborview and exercise our new blue heeler puppy Luna before we head out, but I wanted to get at least some sort of update posted.
Thanks for all the positive thoughts and energy that you put out into the universe yesterday--I was frightened that he would "let go" once he was under the anesthesia, 'cause it has not been an easy road for him and can be so frustrating at times to not be able to express any thoughts or needs with words.  However, he is a fighter, he is loved, and he has a lot of love to give.  When M & I went into the Recovery Room yesterday around Noon, he was instantly reaching for and looking to console Morgan--SUCH a great dad!!!
We love you Wayne, and we believe in you!!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Wayne's Doing Great; We Are Happy & Relieved!!

Wayne's Doing Great; We Are Happy & Relieved!!

In recovery :-)

DOING GREAT! In recovery room & following verbal commands. (Morgan: you are going to be a photographer!... wait, you already are!)

SURGEONS ARE CLOSING UP SHOP

SURGEONS ARE CLOSING UP SHOP
Surgery has gone well up til now, they said they are sewing him up & the docs will update me soon.

BRAND SPANKIN' NEW HEAD

BRAND SPANKIN' NEW HEAD
Wayne's back in the OR now & Morgan & I are in the good ol' Harborview Cafeteria Surgery Waiting Room.